Resilience is the ability to recover from setbacks, adapt to change, and keep going when things get hard. The Harvard Center on the Developing Child describes it as the result of a 'serve and return' relationship with at least one stable adult, plus opportunities to practice problem-solving in safe ways.
Here are seven strategies, drawn from developmental psychology, that build resilience in children aged 2 through 12.
The Seven Strategies
- •Be the stable adult — consistent, warm, predictable presence is the single biggest factor
- •Let them experience age-appropriate frustration without rescuing them too quickly
- •Praise effort and strategy, not innate talent ("You worked hard" instead of "You're so smart")
- •Teach a simple problem-solving script: name the problem, brainstorm options, pick one, try it
- •Model your own resilience out loud when you face a setback
- •Build a strong sense of belonging — family rituals, predictable meals, shared traditions
- •Encourage physical play and risk-taking within safe limits — climbing, balancing, jumping
What Resilience Is Not
Resilience is not about hiding feelings, never crying, or being tough. It is about feeling the difficult emotion fully and still being able to act. Children who are taught to suppress feelings often look resilient short-term but struggle long-term.